Dear Dave: Focus!

Valentina N.A.D. Okang

Sometimes, we men forget what’s important in life especially when we have been in a relationship for a long time. I always felt like my wife nagged too much about everything and wanted too much from me, that nothing I did was ever right.

She used to complain about not getting enough time, affection and attention. She wanted to go on date nights and do fun stuff with me and at the time I was not interested in all that.

I will be honest and say I was very distracted by other things like work, other women etc. I may sound like an asshole but she had gained a lot of weight and I was not physically attracted to her anymore. I wanted to try something new.

I wanted to be with different women like what most of my friends were doing. It was fun in the beginning. I didn’t care about the consequences and even during our divorce I was fine because I was preoccupied.

But after the fun and sex with the other women, I realized that there was nothing else there. A good woman is hard to find these days and I realized it very well with the relationships I got into after my divorce.

Things were just not the same, maybe it’s Karma but all my girlfriends cheated on me amongst other stuff.

I didn’t believe in soul mates then but I do now. We had so much in common. We thought the same things. She was a very strong woman and would always motivate me and she did a lot for me.

Pride and ego are very bad things. I wish I could go back in time. I wished I listened to her concerns, I wish I did better.

This is something that I regret and will regret for the rest of my life. I saw her the other day and I could not believe my eyes. She had lost so much weight and is even more beautiful than the day I first laid my eyes on her. It seems like once she left me, everything went right for her. I still love her and I wish she would give me another chance but it’s too late now.

She has someone else, someone better than me. My kids hate me; they don’t want to spend time with me. My advice to men is that don’t lose focus. Be consistent and don’t take a good woman for granted.

You can make her into your dream woman. If your wife is overweight, then support her in her weight loss endeavors. If there is something she does you don’t like, try and come up with solutions and talk to her. There will always be beautiful women out there.

If you chase beauty, you will never be satisfied. As you grow older you will crave more for companionship and connections then sex which you can get anywhere.

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