I am a married woman, turning 40 next year. Before meeting my husband, who is my age, I spent two years in a very bad relationship and nearly three years single.
I met my husband in January 2022 through my church after my pastor introduced us. He was studying medicine abroad at the time. I liked him but had no strong expectations. He made his intentions clear, and I asked for time. We got to know each other for about two weeks before he returned to school, and we continued communicating long distance.
We got married in January 2023. He was a virgin and very shy, so I took the lead during our honeymoon. The first few days were manageable, but after the third day, he began avoiding intimacy and giving excuses whenever I initiated sex.
Our marriage will be three years old next month. We have a son, but I am deeply unhappy. My husband has never initiated sex, does not understand foreplay, and expects me to do all the work. He prefers to lie down while I take full control.
I have spoken to him gently several times and encouraged him to seek solutions, but he does not seem concerned. He masturbates instead, sometimes openly in bed and sometimes in secret. Despite his promises to change, nothing has improved.
He completed school over a year ago, yet in that entire period, we have had sex only three times. I feel emotionally and sexually starved. I fear cheating because of my faith, and I am also uncomfortable using sex toys for the same reason.
We are both health professionals. He provides financially, though he complains at times, but beyond that, there is no emotional or physical intimacy. I have considered leaving the marriage, but I am not financially stable, and I am conscious of my age.
To add to this, he only gives dry kisses and avoids any form of affectionate or passionate contact, claiming it will arouse him. We have had frequent arguments, and on two occasions, he physically abused me. I did not retaliate because of our son.
To outsiders, we appear to be a couple, but at home, we live like strangers. It is also important to note that we did not have sex while dating.
I feel lost and exhausted. I cannot continue living like this, but I do not know how to move forward. I am asking for guidance and help.
